These jeans have been at the back of my closest for a few years okay okay 5 years. I was told I wouldn’t be a 12 again. Actually they are to big lol IN thr waist. But they will make due for awhile lol I find it funny! I donated so many clothes now I am rebuilding ….hard when you aren’t rich!
Today has been good! I am happy! The wonderful “M” text me trying to be but failed. He said I don’t read your texts and I don’t answer your calls and something about filing a restraining order against me. I giggled.
1. We live 2 hours away from each other now. I don’t know where he lives. So not like I am driving by or coming to his house
2. I don’t call him last time I talked to him was 8/6 after I got verbally attacked by messages,on fb and asked him to tell them to quit making fake accounts to message me and I resported,them to fb. He called me crazy lol me but they made fake fb accounts?
3. I only text him yesterday at 2 pm to say even though you owe me what I consider a lot of money don’t worry about sending it that would mean I need to keep contact and I don’t. So forget and I am done.
I told him show the cops the text I sent and all that information I just sent they will call you coo coo and a cry baby. I think you want drama and because I don’t want you around you are looking for anger. I am done I don’t care where you are in life and what happens to you as long as you leave me alone. So go have a drink ….you are irrelevant.
I finally stood up for myself what used to hurt my feelings made me laugh and what he said made no sense. You try be nice and they continue to try to berate you thinking you are the awful ones. He just didn’t get it. He is such a narcissistic person. He feels so remorse and sees nothing wrong in what he did.
He wrapped up me up in a drama full circle. He made fun of me he lied to me and about me. He actually had people confront me about being a joke. I have never been so humiliated. He said I was,crazy when I didn’t do anything. He made up so much stuff. It was heart breaking. For once I didn’t deserve any of this. I guess that’s why I have no emotion or feeling for him and doesn’t care what happens to him.
What’s sad is that he will eventually try to contact me. He thinks being mean to me hurts me and makes me cry and I will text and apologize not this time. After what he said and did I won’t I have nothing to apologize for. He did some things that I am trying to forgive him for. I just want him gone. He is deleted now. I just wanted done and gave him an out thought I was being nice but sometimes no matter how nice you are people will find a,way to be vengeful.
He will see that and reflect. …..
But I am happy it didn’t stop me I didn’t lose sleep and I am still rocking this day.
He has zero reason to hate me but he carries it around so that’s on him and I don’t care what he thinks. His opinion means nothing to me and I made that clear. I think I can finally be done and just not worry anymore.
I know I haven’t blogged in a day or so…..been kind of lost. I have been writing my thoughts out on paper. There are just to many thoughts to just pin point one, and just to many to just write. I did make it to the gym 3 times this week so the I am in the process of changing my habits. I son aka Nugget has made it 7 days in the 4th grade. He is so much like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory minus showing his smarts. He is so smart but will fly low on the radar to not get called on. He is in class with his best buddy so I hope this help with his social anxiety.
I am in the process of forgiving “M” on my own terms. I of course don’t want to talk to him. I have done research on what he did to me and what he was going through and I have found clarity. He does owe me money, but I actually sent a text stating I don’t want the money. Getting the money back would be having further contact with you. I don’t want that and don’t want to participate in conversing with you on any level. I don’t really think he gets what he did to me or caused me. I went through a day of just breaking down and then my body and weight still have not been normal. I dropped weight fast in the past 3 weeks and now have had it even out and steady for the past week. I have been eating bad food to raise my weight. I am 5’9 1/2 and the weight for my body make up and height is 158 -168 I was at 174 and happy. In 3 days I went to 165 and then dropped to 162 then 155 I looked sick. I began eating bad which messed up my stomach and I couldn’t eat much so now I am working out and eating healthy and in a week I am at 162. If I can get lean and toned I will be happy at this weight.
I have PTSD and have not had this kind of reaction before. But I also have never been put through this. I was not hit. I had people sending me messages verbally attacking over things he asked me to do but then he lied to them so they sent me awful messages. He said awful things to me. I want nothing to do with him. I don’t care how he is doing or where he is at in life as long as I don’t have to be a part of it I am good. But, I have to learn to forgive him.
I am just trying to think before I react. Smile through it. Remember that I run my day the day doesn’t run me. I am not who they say I am. We all have a story we all have a reason for doing things. Just because I don’t react like they think I should doesn’t mean I am anything they say.
I don’t know random thoughts kind of dark
Wow, who in the Hellooooooooooo Kitty ever said being adult was going to be great was crazy …..oh wait that was me when I was 18! LOL There are days I just want to stay in my fort in color or just stay hidden! But then I would get bored and then job we can’t stand we would miss and blah,blah blah blah … so here we are back it! Lol it has just been a,day ….hard to explain ….just so many things ….they are like hey you are needed here and here and here and here well which one first there’s only one of me! I finally said “I’m tired of adulting okay!” They all all laughed in their headsets “I said I am going to my fort just kidding where do I start” lol yes I am a retail supervisor it’s a mad mad mad world I show my crazy in a,silly way…..not all understand but that’s okay,I am,not meant for everyone to like lol
I run the day! The day doesn’t run me! (Only if I let me) I choose how I let people effect me. I can choose to be pissed or do the Taylor Swift and “Shake it Off” ….now listen I am learning this and I have to stop and think and often sing the the song from “Anger Management “you when in the car “I feel pretty oh so pretty.. ..” lol crazy right effective though I smile and I shake it off. After what “M” put me through and what I allowed him too I told myself no more simple as that. As hard as,it might be if people want to get drama with me I simply walk away when,they can come to me and talk to me okay but I don’t have to participate in conflict if I don’t want to. I choose not too. The more negative I allow in my life the more there will be. Right my life is pretty boring lol but happy. I have no drama. I am focusing on me, my kids and what I want. If someone gets sideways I choose to just stop conversing. I don’t know just my random thoughts again! Lol
Well I had to be at work at 630 am and I so got up and so met my friend at the gym before work and we conquered it! It took some stress of! Am I tired not anymore than usual , LOL so it was a win win and yes we are doing it again tomorrow …. I am doing this for me I want to be strong on the outside and I will … .all negative around has created a storm inside me ….I am determined. …they have awakened a beast …..