I could. …..but I won’t

I could write with how hurt I am. I could write with how awful I was and how awful he was. I could take the blame or blame him. I could  be bitter and I night be lol ……I could talk about how he twisted it all on me and keep it completely one sided ….but I won’t. 
You see I dated someone. I really began to care for him , but I wasn’t myself. Something was off. I had self esteem issues.  I wasn’t my funny sarcastic self. I even changed at work. I lost all confidence.  I didn’t feel good enough. He never made me feel this way.  I just held back and I don’t why? I caused fights I pushed him away….I showed parts of me and I was myself st times and he loved it, but mostly it was toxic and I was the cause. Something in me told me to hold back. I discovered why today, and it was something he told me that wasn’t true. Yet he said that all the stuff I said he couldn’t see me anymore and would only be my friend? I was crushed at the,time but now I am kind of laughing becUse he turned it around on me and didn’t even apologize for the lie and didn’t even realize that my gut instinct was causing me to act this way and now I know and it was something that could be,worked on but rather than taking the,time to that he chose to walk away. And me being the dumb ass at that moment said so there is no way to work this out ? You’re laughing right  because I sure am! And he said give him space. Now I’m like sure take it buh bye. Am I ass hat or what?  I apologized for the chaos I caused but asking for another chance wtf?  He should be asking me! Or just say to hell with it! I was not myself.
So instead of texting him and saying yeah go eff yourself.  I am simply bouncing back and just moving on. I realized my mistakes and focusing on getting myself right. I see what one thing can cause in so many areas of your world. My gut said it was wrong I should have ended it but I had to know why it was wrong.  Next time I’m just going to end it. Just a Num deal he had a calming effect on me. I felt things with I never felt with someone. But I see the positives and good he brought. I’m could focus on all this negative but I am and will focus on positive I learned and he brought. And of he contacts me it will be bypassed.  I may try to see if he will apologize for the lies but I don’t forsee us dating.  


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