I know I haven’t blogged in a day or so…..been kind of lost. I have been writing my thoughts out on paper. There are just to many thoughts to just pin point one, and just to many to just write. I did make it to the gym 3 times this week so the I am in the process of changing my habits. I son aka Nugget has made it 7 days in the 4th grade. He is so much like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory minus showing his smarts. He is so smart but will fly low on the radar to not get called on. He is in class with his best buddy so I hope this help with his social anxiety.
I am in the process of forgiving “M” on my own terms. I of course don’t want to talk to him. I have done research on what he did to me and what he was going through and I have found clarity. He does owe me money, but I actually sent a text stating I don’t want the money. Getting the money back would be having further contact with you. I don’t want that and don’t want to participate in conversing with you on any level. I don’t really think he gets what he did to me or caused me. I went through a day of just breaking down and then my body and weight still have not been normal. I dropped weight fast in the past 3 weeks and now have had it even out and steady for the past week. I have been eating bad food to raise my weight. I am 5’9 1/2 and the weight for my body make up and height is 158 -168 I was at 174 and happy. In 3 days I went to 165 and then dropped to 162 then 155 I looked sick. I began eating bad which messed up my stomach and I couldn’t eat much so now I am working out and eating healthy and in a week I am at 162. If I can get lean and toned I will be happy at this weight.
I have PTSD and have not had this kind of reaction before. But I also have never been put through this. I was not hit. I had people sending me messages verbally attacking over things he asked me to do but then he lied to them so they sent me awful messages. He said awful things to me. I want nothing to do with him. I don’t care how he is doing or where he is at in life as long as I don’t have to be a part of it I am good. But, I have to learn to forgive him.
I am just trying to think before I react. Smile through it. Remember that I run my day the day doesn’t run me. I am not who they say I am. We all have a story we all have a reason for doing things. Just because I don’t react like they think I should doesn’t mean I am anything they say.
I don’t know random thoughts kind of dark